


Insanity is Contagious

by Apolline



Series: Wade Wilson's luck [2]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Hearing Voices, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash, Wade's Craziness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apolline/pseuds/Apolline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter was attacked with a strange weapon and it didn't pass without consequences. Fortunately our friendly neighbourhood Spider-man has his fiendly neighbour who won't leave Spidey in trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insanity is Contagious

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Сумасшествие заразно!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2445053) by [Apolline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apolline/pseuds/Apolline). 



It was two weeks since Wade moved in with Peter. But even now Parker was not certain whether it was a good idea to invite Wilson or not. There were moments when Spidey was eager just to strangle Deadpool, only healing factor saved them both from the lamenting ending. But also there were those moments when the boy was happy to have such a neighbor. For example, in the mornings when Wade cooked the best breakfasts in the world as well as dinners and suppers. Or, for example, when Parker broke and ran to save the city, and Deadpool quietly followed him, coming to the rescue in time. Like the last time, when the Goblin got hold of some new weapons and decided to find out how it works. Of course, he decided to check it on Spider-Man, and to make him voluntarily come for testing of some alien psycho-weapon, the villain had to terrorize the city little bit. At a time when an unknown beam almost reached Pete Wade managed to shield him with his own body, and nothing happened. By the way, all this happened just a day before the event, which will be discussed below.

So, on that day Peter woke up with a great mood and big plans. He pulled on a simple home clothes and with singing came out of his room. He heard his neighbor talking to the TV in the kitchen and cought the delicious smell of the freshly-cooked breakfast. But his mood was to change dramatically, when he entered the room and heard:

(Good morning neighbor, let's see what we have for breakfast)

It sounded as if Wade said it, but the intonation was too unusual for him. It wouldn’t have bothered Peter if only he hasn’t heard Wade talking with TV:

"Where's the judge?! This is not a Game of Thrones!"

It was impossible even for the Merc with the Mouth to say two phrases in the same time.

[Scoff! Oh, it better be some tacos!]

Again the voice was Wade’s but more hoarse and the mercenary himself was greeting Peter at that moment.

“Oh my god, I’m going mad!” – thought Parker.

[Calm down, baby! It’s Wilson who’s crazy here, you’re fine]  
(Absolutely, only one here has problems with his head and it’s this maniac on the cauch)

“Wade, tell me you hear it, too”, - asked the boy hopefully.

“I do”, - the merc agreed and Peter sight with relief.

“Thank goodness!”

“And what do I hear?” – Wade tried to understand.

“Oh no”, - Peter clutched his head. – “You do not hear?”

“ You asked to say that ...”

“I see!”- Spidey interrupted him.

(Look at this fashion catastrophe! What is it? There’s no housewife in the world to wear such an apron…)

[Well, thank him for not putting it on the naked body! It would have been worse than Freddy Krueger. Though we do have a good shaped body, just so you know it. Pay more attention to our muscles and maybe his ugliness won’t be that obvious…]

Peter tried, still in panic, to understand what was going on. He heard voices in his head and they sounded like Wade and that was not OK! 

“Wade”, - Parker shut up not knowing whether he should say it. – “I think I hear voices.”

“Wow, is it like in those movies about mediums?” – The man looked exited. 

“No, that’s like two guys with your voice discussing you inside my head”, - Pete pulled his hair trying to get back to reality. 

[Hey! Easy, boy! We do really like your hair. Our Krueger will be cut-up if you pull out all of it]

(On the other hand, you two will have more in common with each other… And with Bruce Willis)

“Oh? Do they offend you?” – asked Wade.

“What?” – Peter was struck with how calm his neighbor was.

“ Well, you know, mine always calling me and idiot or something more creative”, - explained Deadpool.

“No, no one offends me. I think they like me… And they identify themselves as you, sort of…”

“Aha, that’s where they’ve gone!”

“What are you talking about?” – The boy was confused.

“Haven’t heard them since evening, thought they are not speaking with me again”, - the man continued. 

“Whom are you talking about?”

“The boxes in my head”, - the merc explained. – “Talking all the time, one is more cheerful but calling names constantly, the other is a downer”.

[Ha! Heard that, looser?]

(And you are a twerp! You can’t always offend him, he is us after all)

[You call him an idiot, too!]

(Well, he is one! Two-thirds of an idiot)

[Where is the last third?]

(I am the last third, the only intelligent person in his head)  
[Intelligent? You are just dull!]

“Oh, shut up the two of you!” – Peter gave up.

“What are they saying?” – Wade asked.

“They are trying to decide which of you is an idiot, – Parker explained. – What am I supposed to do? How on Earth did I got your madness?”  
“Maybe, it was that beam?” – Deadpool suggested. 

[The ugly one here might be right]

“Don’t call him that!” – Peter and another voice in his head demanded.

“Whom and how?” – Wilson was surprised.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Oh, now I see how it looks from another side, - nodded the mercenary. – What about breakfast? Full stomach will help us to solve this problem!”

“As if…”

Pete could not concentrate on the food, as the voices were discussing everything that caught their eye: from pancakes on the plate to a dove flying outside.

[This isn’t taco]

(Which is good, ‘cause we can’t feed the boy with such an unhealthy food!)

[Which boy?]

(Spidey, of course!)

[Peter is not a boy, he’s a man! Who do you think we are to fall for a jailbait?!]

The boy choked and blushed. Of course, he knew that Deadpool was interested in him, but that was too much! Peter was confused, it was like reading into other’s thoughts. What was surprising, was that this confession did not cause disgust, but the fact, that he had learned about the feelings of the merc without him willing to tell it himself, was making the hero feel apologetic. And voices still did not shut up.

(Shush! Idiot! What are you doing? If you forgot – we aren’t home!)

[Oh, come on! You think Peter didn’t know? Tell him Peter! Even an idiot would notice this big crush our psycho has on you.]

“ God, stop it! I don’t want to know!”

Wade was watching him curiously.

[Well, as we have such a chance we should have some benefit. Listen, Parker, this ugly face is not as bad variant as he seems. He can cut a bullet!]

(And is ready to help you anytime)

[Shoots as no one else]

(He’s a wonderful cook)

[It takes him just five minutes to deal with a hundred of soldiers]

(Has good taste for movies)

[Can regrow any body part - chop him as you wish]

(A fine singer)

Peter would have been happy to close his ears with his hands but he was frightened to make the voices louder this way. Fortunately Wade step in.

“I know what to do! I just have to kiss you as if in fairy tale.”

He didn’t wait for the answer, just pressed the boy to himself kissed him.

(Idiot… Why not to go and find a dragon “as in fairy tale”?)

“Oh? – Wilson smiled. – The boring one is here! Come here, Spidey, I’ll save you from this curse!”

“What are you talking about! – the hero jumped away. – Get lost!”

Parker got to his room quickly and locked the door and set there on the floor.

[So… I’m still here! Where were we? Oh, yeah! He has a perfect ass!]

When the second voice didn’t follow Peter stood up.

“Did it really work?”

[Probably, the other one is not here anymore. But it doesn’t matter, listen to me…]

“Wade! – Spidey run out of his bedroom and to the kitchen. The mercenary was sitting there talking to the other voice. – Wade, you are genius!”

The young man leaned closer to Wilson’s scarred face and kissed him quickly but tenderly. When the boy moved away the older one took out his gun wordlessly and shoot himself in chest.

“F***! What the hell?!” – Peter was mortified.

 

“Damn, - the merc twisted with pain. – I was sure I was dreaming.”

“You are f****** idiot!” – Peter was shaking after this shocking action. He disappeared and locked in his room again.

[Damn, you’ve ruined such a good plan! I almost assured him that we are a good pair for him.]

The voices were in the right head again. In the evening Deadpool came to the locked door with a determination to have a talk.

“Peter”, - he knocked at the door.

“What do you want?” – came the answer.

“They told you, right?” – Wade asked him.

 

“Told me what?”

“That I’m… well… you know, that’s obvious”, - the man was playing with his mask in hands nervously. The whole situation was so unusual for him and, if to be honest, pretty much frightening. Everyone is frightened of plain rejection.

“They did”, - admitted Peter. He could understand the crazy man better now.

“And what do you think?”

[That the beauty finds her beast]

(Can you, please, shut up? They are having a talk here!)

“I… - but then the boy stopped. When Wade was already thinking he doesn’t get the answer the hero continued: - If you promise not to do any harm to yourself, we can go out see a film…”

“As neighbors or…”

“Or”, - agreed the young man.

**Author's Note:**

> First it was written in Russian, now I finaly did it in English... Sorry for mistakes, foreign language is foreign language, so some parts can look strange to native speakers.


End file.
